Chandler's Secret
by LinkinParkSoldier
Summary: Chandler has an eating disorder, and the rest of the guys try to help him, but will it be a lost cause? Trigger Warning! Also contains mild language. Mondler!
1. Chapter 1 - The Worry

Friends Fanfiction Chapter 1- the worry

Monica's POV:

I was snuggling up to chandler in bed, when suddenly my hand caressed this sharp judder along the side of his stomach. ' Ouch Mon do you mind?' I lifted up the sheets and saw that it was a bone. A protruding hip bone.' My god Chandler, you've lost a lot of weight. Hell of a lot'. He sat up indignantly like I had insulted him.' I don't know what you are talking about, ' then he softened his voice 'it's just the way I was positioned mon, shush go to sleep sweetie'.Like I was going to fall for that sweet talk, well maybe, just a little. ' Chan,have you got a problem? Are you not eating, purposefully ?' I couldn't even believe what I was saying , come on, I mean he wouldn't, would he? ' Could you be any more dramatic mon?' He chuckled his beautiful face lighting up the way it does when he always cracks a joke. ' I'm not being dramatic Chan, I'm just concerned'. He put his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. 'Mon, would I ever lie to you? No. I'm fine, didn't you witness me devour your speciality Mac and Cheese earlier?'. Thinking back, I did see him eat it, but devour was the wrong word, his eating lacked any gusto. But I suppose he did eat so I have to agree there.

Chandler clumsily stumbled around the bed. ' I'm just going to the bathroom mon, and honestly don't worry, I'm fine and if I wasn't, I would tell you my princess'. He swept in for one last kiss and then strolled out of the door with his usual nonchalance.

I snuggled back down in the blankets, I'm just being silly of course nothing is wrong with chandler, but that's not going to stop me keeping an eye on him anyway.

Chandler's POV:

Oh my god. Jesus I sound like Janice, but oh my god Monica's on to me. I was stupid to not keep my self covered, I mean I had a perfect excuse anyway it's winter. Could I be anymore stupid. Shit. Well I've got to be more careful for future reference. Anyway, what hip bone? All I see is Chandler's novelty jelly belly. Jesus Christ, I'm going to look like one of those obese Americans on the tv if I don't watch out. How did Monica ever fall for me? I mean, she is beautiful. I'm chubby chandler who is a socially awkward freak that uses humour as a defence mechanism because I'm so embarrassed of myself. I need to lose more weight or Monica is going to ditch me for Richard. I mean he's mature, smart and better looking than I will ever be. Though mind you, thank god I hid Monica's Mac and Cheese in a napkin or I would be even bigger. I've got to be more vigilant around Monica as she is on to me, but the others don't have a clue. They just think I'm annoying chandler who is always happy. Christ, if only they knew. I'm a self conscious, anxiety ridden man, who is not eating at all because I am so disgusting. I mean, how many men have to stop eating because they are so vile. Embarrassing much.

I stare in the mirror and feel tears spring to my eyes. Great. Could I be anymore pathetic? I'm a crybaby on top of everything else. Just another flaw to add to the list.

" Chandler where are you, I miss your touch" I hear my beautiful mon shout, god I need to improve myself or I'm going to lose her.

" Coming my little princess", I wipe away the tears and put on the Happy Chandler face. My talent, maybe I should become an actor like Joey , I mean that's one thing I'm good at right?


	2. Chapter 2- Falls into place

Monica's POV:

It's morning! Yay I better make a start on clearing the apartment before the guys come around for their breakfast. I mean, do they have to come here? They are adults after all. Never mind, I can cook them up a Monica speciality breakfast! That actually has a ring to it! I turn to my left and see Chandler sleeping. I might leave him today, I mean it will save me having to share the kitchen.

1 hour later

" Hey Mon" comes the chorus of voices entering my apartment. Well actually from Ross, Rachel and Phoebe as Joey had decided to come around 30 minutes early to see if he could ' help in the kitchen'. As if! He just ate a whole batch of choc chip cookies I made yesterday. Honestly, I don't know where he stores all the food he eats! I call Chandler and get no reply, so I go into our room to wake him. " Chandler come on it's breakfast", I see him grumble but then sit up in alarm. Come to think of it, more like mock alarm. Hmm. " jeez mon what time is it?". " it's only 8:30 Chan". " Oh crap I've got to go, I've got a meeting at nine". He jumped out of bed and grabbed his clothes." I'm of to get changed" he gabbled, whilst lurching out of the room to get to the bathroom. Weird, he never gets dressed in the bathroom. I head out to the kitchen and suddenly Chandler whirs by me, " love you mon, see you later" and with a quick peck on the cheek he heads to the door. He obviously sees my disapproving face and leans out to grab a banana. " bye mon, and hi and bye to you guys" and with that he is gone, before the guys even have time to shout "bye". I sit down at the table and split Chandler's portion of scrambled eggs out among the others equally. I just sit and ponder. Chandler's behaviour is weird and I'm not happy with him, he knew I was cooking breakfast today.

" Mon, what's wrong" Rachel asks me in between mouthfuls of scrambled egg. " Nothing Rach. Nothing." She looks dissatisfied and then pipes up again." Monica, is there something wrong with Chandler?". I was shocked, " why what makes you say that?". She looks down at her scrambled eggs and then back up. " Mon, he's not his usual jokey self and he's looking a bit thinner". So she sees what I see thank god, I'm not going insane, I am right that something is wrong. " Have any of you guys noticed anything different about Chandler?" The rest murmured "no", so I grabbed Rachel and pulled her into my room.

" Monica, what's going on?". I looked at her and saw genuine concern which made me feel more able to confide to her my concerns. " well last night whilst we were in bed"...Rachel grimaced, " I felt a bone, a bone sticking out and it was his hip bone. I was scared because it really stick out, so I confronted him asking him if he was intentionally losing weight."

" What did he say mon?" " He just denied it trying to make light of it, then he went to the bathroom so I had no choice but to leave it. But I'm not happy, at all". Rachel was silent and then asked the question, a question that seemed likely to have an unfortunate 'yes' as it's answer. " Do you think Chandler has an eating disorder then?". I didn't want to answer 'yes' as it hurts to even consider it as a possibility, so I just looked at the floor. " Jesus". She grabbed my hand and led me out to the kitchen where the others were sat looking worried, even phoebe who is usually in her own world. " what's wrong?" They chorused. I looked at the floor whilst Rachel began telling the concerning tale.

Chandler's POV

Phew, I escaped that one. I knew Monica would do one of her calorific breakfasts which is why I put on a drama. Meeting? Not one. I feel awful lying to mon, but at the end of the day it will work in her favour when I'm the new and improved Chandler Bing.

I hate that dreaded walk to my work. Do you know why? Retail shops. Lots of windows in which you can see your reflection. Those who enjoy vanity. Great. Do you know what it is like for self loathers? Torture. You see every part of yourself that is wrong and are enlightened to the fact everyone else can see. Woo bloody hoo. I arrive at work and see my boss. " Bing!" I hear my surname screeched around the office. My boss may like me, but seriously he draws too much unwanted attention to me. " you alright Bing? You look like crap". Jeez my confidence couldn't plummet anymore, could it? " yeah I'm fine Doug just tired". " Well don't be Bing" and with an unwanted slap on the butt he leaves me to bask in my own misery at the office. I love my office. Do you know why? I'm alone. No one can discover my problems or harass me, as much as I adore mon, she is a worry wart and I know she will be watching my eating habits like a hawk now. Much to my dismay. Anyway, let's begin another day crunching numbers and not food. Aaaahahahahakkk. Jeez, I need to get rid of this work laugh.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Revelation

Monica's POV:

" Guys, I think we have a problem", Rachel said in a melancholy tone." Do you need a calculator to solve it" Phoebe interrupts with her childlike innocence." No pheebs, I wish a calculator could solve it but it's going to take more than that. The thing is.. Well... You know.." Rachel was stuttering struggling to say what was wrong with my boyfriend in the right way. " What Rachel? Your starting to scare us" Ross remarks in his usually serious scientist tone, a tone for once appropriate in this circumstance. " Chandler might have an eating disorder", I emphasise " might" guys as me and Monica are only making a guess based on the signs we have seen. I have never seen the guys look so stunned in my life. Ross was completely taken aback and Phoebe and Joey looked confused. Phoebe was quick to try and diffuse the situation. " urm, this is only a possibility huh? So we just need to keep an eye out for now. So guys don't worry too much we could be totally wrong, yay!". Rachel walked up to Phoebe and hugged her. " Yeah like Phoebe said, today we will keep an eye out today and if it is true, we will meet and work something out". I can honestly say I have never seen my brother so silent. He was just stunned by the prospect of Chandler having this disease. Joey still looked extremely confused. " Mon, what exactly is an eating disorder?". Rachel jumped in as she knew I couldn't bear to talk about it, because my chan could be really Ill. The love of my life could be really Ill. "Joey it is where people either starve themselves to lose weight or eat too much so they can throw it up later. In this case Chandler is starving, if we are even right about him having a problem.

Ross's POV:

Wow. I can't actually speak because it's just...unbelievable. I mean, it's Chandler the joker, it's hard to imagine him not eating to lose weight. I mean he is thinner than me and Joey, and he has always ate a lot before. Christ. I'm praying they have just made a mistake, or else Chandler is really ill and none of us want that. I mean we are all so close, Chandler's my best friend, I don't want to lose him.

Joey's POV:

No Food! Who would do that to themselves? They've got to be wrong. Is this bad for Chandler? No they are not right they can't be. Too much for me man!

Phoebe's POV:

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. Hehe. Oh wait this is not funny, stop it ,Phoebe ,stop it. Focus. It's going to be fine. It will. It will.

Rachel's POV:

This is massive if it's true. We are all going to have to join together and help Chandler. If any of us were going to have this I would have put Chandler as least likely. I mean, he seems so happy. Wow if I'm so scared, Monica must be freaked.

Monica's POV:

It's actually just hit me that this could be true. I'm terrified. I mean there was a girl in high school who had an eating problem and she... died. I cannot lose Chandler. " I have a plan" Rachel shouts with a cross of sorrow and glee. " Joey, you can call Chandler and invite him to lunch with you at that Chinese restaurant. Then you can see if he eats and talk to him, you know guy to guy". " I don't know what to say Rach,no you go". I intervene " Joey just talk to him like you normally would. That way he won't freak." " just like normal?", " yes Joey".

Chandler's POV:

Shit I never realised how boring the job I do is. Let's do a Chandler and spin around in my chair, heheheee. What's that ringing sound? Oh my cell, what does joe want?. " hey joe, what's up? Yeah okay I'll meet you there, k bye". Crap, another eating situation I have to deal with. Well I suppose I could do my napkin technique, Joey is too ignorant to realise what I am doing. I'll have to do something I've got to lose weight. Quick.


	4. Chapter 4- The Lunch of all Lunches

Joey's POV:

Where is he? Oh I hope he doesn't show up I'm too freaked to talk to him, I mean I don't understand what's going on with him or how to stop it. Shit here be comes. Jeez, he does look like he's lost weight. What am I meant to say? " Hey Joe" he yells, " hey, how are you?" I reply. " could I be any more happy?". They've got it wrong, he seems really happy. The waiter comes over, " the usual guys, Chow mein?". " yeah" I yell , I mean I'm so hungry, but Chandler just does a little nod. Wait up. Something's wrong he always shouts " yeah" with me. It's our thing.

" Here's our food" I shout feeling truly happy, but Chandler doesn't look as happy, he looks freaked if anything. " what's wrong man?" I ask, but he murmurs and gets ready to have a bite of his food. Whilst I'm chewing I notice something, he ain't eating, he's putting his food into a napkin. Shit. Maybe the guys are right. Come on, Joey say something, anything." So Chandler, you've lost a bit of weight haven't you?"

Chandler's POV:

Well that caught me off guard. The most suitable response I can think of is " oh have I, didn't notice". I pray he leaves the subject,I don't need Joey finding out, of all people. His reply shocks me: " that's crap, how can you not notice you have lost weight?". Shit,shit,shit. " Joe relax, I just didn't, I'm weird like that." He relents for a while filling his oddly questioning face, oh what I would give to fill my face, oh this is to painful to watch him eat when I can't."Chandler do you have a problem, with like food?". Holy crap. Deny, deny and deny more. " what? Are you crazy? One,I am sitting here eating Chow mein and two, men don't get eating problems." Oh my god I hope he shuts up. " that's bullshit Chandler. Anyone can not eat. But if you say you ain't, I'll have to believe you". Yes. I've stopped him. " well I better be back off to work now joe, here's the bill, bye bye Joe". I get out of there as fast as I can.

Joey's POV:

They're right. They're is something wrong with Chandler. I've got to find the guys now, we need to do something. Wow, this is the most serious I have ever been. I mean he's got problems there is no doubt about that, but will he let us guys help him? That is the real issue.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Discussion

Chapter 5- Desperately needed Discussion

Monica's POV:

I've been sat biting my nails into stumps. Will Chandler have eaten? Will I be proven wrong? Oh please let me be wrong, I don't want the man of my dreams to be going through such pain. I mean, he is the most amazing man. He is kind, funny and gorgeous. Please let my worry be a cause of imagination. Suddenly I was snapped out of my train of thoughts by Joey bursting into my apartment." You were right Monica, Chandler has got that food problem thingy , he wouldn't eat ".My heart sunk, so my worst nightmare has been confirmed. My boyfriend has an eating disorder. Why Chandler, why? " Monica, Monica I don't know what to doooo". Joey was whining now, so I tried to console him. " It's okay Joe, us guys will meet at the coffee house and discuss what we are going to do."

I ran towards the phone and made three calls to the guys to meet at the coffee house around 4 as I know Chandler will still be at work. Don't worry my angel, you don't know it but we are going to help you.

2 hours later

We were all sat in silence every so often taking a sip of coffee, whilst waiting for Ross to arrive. Trust my brother to be late in such a crisis. " Sorry I'm late" gasps Ross who had clearly run ten blocks in order to get here. Rachel suddenly sat up in her seat " well, guys what are we going to do? How are we going to approach this situation?". We all sat staring at the floor, all of us deep in thought. Ross interrupts the thinking time, " Well I think the first thing we have to do is find out how much damage he has done to himself already, so Monica that is your job. Get a look at his whole body." " Then what?" I dare to ask. " well then we will all meet at yours in the morning whilst Chandler is sleeping and when he wakes we will confront him." All of us solemnly nodded are heads in agreement. This was the only way we were going to save our Chandler.

Chandler's POV:

Oh thank god this day is over. Work is so dull and that lunch with Joey was just weird. I mean Joey has never had a personal conversation with me before, as it is just something men don't do, surely? Well I had better head home to mon, Jesus Christ I hope she hasn't cooked anything for me, that will just interfere with my plan.

30 minutes later

I strolled through the door trying to achieve a sense of calm when I saw Monica slumped in the chair. " hey mon what's wrong?" I moved towards her and gave her a kiss on her cheek. " hey sweetie, how's your day been?". " it's been okay, just lots of numbers and chow mein with Joey. " did you enjoy it?" She looked straight at me. " well math isn't the most enjoyable thing to do" I joked. " you know what I mean, the Chinese". " yeah it was lovely princess" I am becoming such a good liar, it is such a scary but liberating feeling, to feel the lies spilling off your tongue, so effortlessly. She got up and gave me a hug. " I rented us a film so when you get washed up we will sit and you know canoodle". " okay pumpkin" I got up and lumbered my useless self to the bathroom.

I scrubbed and scrubbed, maybe if I scrubbed enough my fat would be scrubbed away. Oh if only. Suddenly the shower screen is pulled back and there is Monica, " do you want the bubblegum shamp...". Suddenly she drops the bottle and it rolls along the bathroom floor.


	6. Chapter 6 - The Damage

Monica's POV:

Oh my god. What has he done to his body? I feel my hands unclench and drop the shampoo bottle. I am in a state of utter disbelief. I see the reality of Chandler's problem. His body is emaciated. I scan my eyes down his body. I see his rib bones straining against his chest cavity, I see the juddered edge of his hip bones, his thighs the same width as his ankles. I then look up at his face. His eyes have lost their twinkle and his face is so gaunt, with cheekbones so sharp they could cut butter. What has he done to himself? I gasp trying to hide my shock but oh my god I don't know how to wait until the morning to confront him, he looks like he isn't going to live until the morning. I run out of the bathroom tears streaming down my face.

Chandler's POV:

Shit, she has saw me naked at this size. I mean I'm so fat. I usually manage to hide my body under the covers and dim the lights when we have sex but oh god she has saw me in all my glory .She has seen the way my ribs are invisible under the layers of skin, my fat belly , my wide hips, my chubby Chandler thighs. Oh my god what must she think of me. I quickly reach out for my towel and throw on my clothes before heading out to Monica.

Monica's POV:

Oh my god get yourself together, I need the others to help me confront him, I need support but jeez, it is taking all my might to not hit some sense in to him. I have never been so I terrified in my whole life. " Monica, what's wrong?". I wipe the tears from eyes. " Nothing Chan" " why did you drop the bottle?"he asks looking genuinely intrigued. Think Monica, think of an answer. " I just can't believe how much erm belly button hair you have. It's gross Chandler." He laughs and hugs me, " I didn't know sweetie I'm sorry". I am on the brink of crying, I can't believe how oblivious he is to his weight, Chandler moved towards the television " do you want to put the film on then?" He asks. " yeah, let me just nip to Ross's and get the margarita mix. " could you be anymore amazing" he jokes whilst putting the dvd in.

I dash to Ross's, I need to talk to someone about what I saw.

Ross's POV:

I wonder how it's going with Monica and Chandler. I can't even comprehend what is going on, I mean the biggest problem this friendship group has ever had was when me and Rachel had are relationship spat, but this, boy this is a whole new level.

Suddenly my door is nearly bashed down with thunderous knocking, I quickly jump up and open the door, to only see my sister with tears streaming down her face. " oh my god, oh my god,oh my god". I grabbed hold of her and sat her down." Mon, what's wrong? What's happened?". She stares at me, her tears becoming mist in her eyes." I did it, I saw Chandler naked and oh my god Ross". "What? How bad?" I replied dreading the answer. " Ross he looks like a prisoner of a war camp, he looks like he is going to snap. Ross if we don't do something he is going to die. Die, Ross, die". She puts her head in her hands, but all I can hear is the word " die" ringing in my head. Chandler is my best friend, and the prospect of him dying is terrifying. I try to keep calm and soothe my increasingly erratic sister. " Monica it's going to be okay, you've just got to breathe. Tomorrow we will be at your apartment bright and early so we can discuss how we are going to confront Chandler, until then stay calm. Go back and act as normally as you can." She hugs me and whimpers " I'll try rods but it's so hard to hold back". " you can mon, you are tough,we will help you get through this". With one last sibling hug she gets up to leave, to be with an unsuspecting Chandler.

Monica's POV:

I head back up to the apartment slowly, as I'm dreading sitting next to a frail man who bares no actual resemblance to the boyfriend I thought he was. I've seen Chandler in a new, terrifying way today that I ever thought I would. As I put the key in the lock I here his voice " where have you been? Did you get the margarita?" I walk in to the apartment to see him under a blanket on the couch,ready to press play on the DVD. " I was talking to Ross, no he didn't have any". " never mind, come here for a snuggle". As I burrow down the blanket into him I feel this bony structure, despite the fact he had secretly put another blanket over himself. I feel tears spring to my eyes, but I hold back and cuddle the desperately ill man who I love.


	7. Chapter 7 - The Confrontation

Monica's POV:

I sneak out of the bedroom at five into the kitchen. I know the guys will be here soon, so I throw myself down at the table and wait for the others. I'm dreading confronting Chandler but it's something that must be done.

20 minutes later:

The guys creep around the door and I beckon them over to the table. We sit there for five minutes in complete silence, the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. Rachel's voice, unusually subdued overcomes the silence." I think when he wakes we should just sit him down and all of us say our piece. That way is the only way we are going to get across the severity of what he is doing, instead of just me or mon ,for example doing all the talking. Everyone nodded and we waited silently and patiently for Chandler to awake.

Chandler's POV:

I am awakened by a strange feeling, like I was being watched. I opened my eyes and saw that no one was there, it must be my paranoia that I get when I have no energy. I forced my aching body to get up and lumbered to the door expecting to see Monica who I knew would be in the kitchen. However as I opened the door I saw five serious faces staring at me. Oh shit, they know,they know. What am I going to do? Denial. Denial. Denial. My only option.

Monica's POV:

I saw Chandler stagger out of the bedroom and felt my stomach lurch, a heaving sensation. Now was the time to have it out with Chandler. Once and for all. " sweetie, do you want to come and sit down with us". He hesitantly walked towards us, he gave me an awkward peck on the cheek and reluctantly sat down. Rachel began " Chandler, we want to talk to you on a friend to friend basis, about something that is worrying us all." Chandler looked at her and joked " could you be any more serious?". Phoebe then interrupted him much to everyone's surprise, " No Chandler it couldn't be any more serious. Why are you trying to kill yourself, you fool,you fool", she had tears bubbling in her eyes and looked so dejected, like a puppy would look with toothache. " kill myself, what are you on about?". Joey then decided to say his piece, " with food man, you ain't eating none of it". Chandler then became rather defensive. " you are talking crap now Joseph". I decided to have my say as he was shutting everybody else down. " Chan, I saw you last night in the bathroom, you obviously have an eating disorder, your tiny, impossibly tiny." To my shock Chandler jumped up and yelled at me rather menacingly " this is bullshit Monica and you know it, as much as I adore you, you are wrong. I am not thin, by Christ I'm along way off that and I'm sick of being harassed. If I want to lose weight I will do and no one is stopping me by making up lies I have a disorder. I'm a man for crying out loud." And with that he stomped out the apartment, leaving us all in shock.

Chandler's POV:

Shit. I shouldn't have spoken to Monica like that, she'll definitely dump me now. Richard would have never spoken to her like that. Why am I such a huge waste of space. I check my cell and see a long list of missed calls from the guys. As much as I care about them, I can't deal with their shit. I'm dieting and there is nothing they can do to change that.


	8. Chapter 8 - The Aftermath

Rachel's POV:

Wow. Chandler just proper lost it. Monica is just bawling her eyes out, and the rest of us are just in shock. Chandler never raises his voice, ever, it's just awful. Even Phoebe is so freaked by his outburst that she isn't talking. I glance over at Joey who is looking extremely miserable, he stands up " guys how long do you think this has been going on for? I can't deal with this man". He stomps out of the apartment, bless him, he's never been able to cope with difficult situations. " He raises a good point, Mon based on what you saw, how long would you say he's been doing this?", Ross quietly remarks, his eyes still glued on the table. She wipes her eyes that are dripping with tears." Oh god,I don't know he looks so ill, weeks ,months, I don't know?" She gasps, unable to hold back the flood of tears. I reach out and grab her hand. I suddenly have a brainwave, " We are going to have to try and tempt him to eat, he must be so hungry". Monica looks at me " So you mean cook food he likes, In the hope he will give into his hunger?". " Yes, this will be our intervention, our attempt to help him". Monica gets up " But what if it doesn't work Rachel? What are we meant to do then?". I tried to think but before I could say anything Ross piped up " If he doesn't eat anything, then with have to turn to medics, professionals who can deal with those who have eating problems". We all nod in agreement. " So will it just be Monica trying to get him to eat or all of us?" Phoebe asks. Hmm tough question. I answer " well I don't think Monica can get him to eat on her own, but if we are all here he will feel like he is being attacked. I think Ross should be here to help Monica, I mean Ross has been his friend since college, he is the second closest to Chandler". Ross looks at me, " Yeah I'll be here to help you mon" he says sadly. " Six, tonight alright?"" Yeah that's fine" and with that Ross leaves, me and Phoebe follow behind, just after giving Monica a hug. A hug that she desperately needs. I feel so bad for her, I mean it has hit us hard, but he's the man she is truly and utterly in love with.

Chandler's POV:

Jeez I am so hungry it hurts, I mean I've never done a five day fast before, I stopped eating three days before Monica felt my bone to speed up by weight loss. I mean I've been eating one meal a day for just over a month, but I've never fasted like this before. It's exhilarating as I know pounds will be dropping of me, but is is so hard to resist. I mean, I've had my fasting tablets, 3 a day but obviously it's is not the same as actual food. Come on Chandler get a grip, do something right for once in your life, lose all the weight. Just think how attracted Monica will be to me when she sees a slim Chandler. A hotter, more handsome Chandler. At least she won't pine after Richard or have lunch dates with him then. " Bing, have you sorted out those accounts my man?" Oh great here comes my boss. Why can't people just leave me alone? My work, My weight and My life. It shouldn't be anyone else's worry.


	9. Chapter 9- The Temptation Intervention

Monica's POV:

I've been slaving over the stove all day, I've spent more time cooking Chandler's favourite dishes than I do at Thanksgiving. I just hope to god it's worth it. I mean, will he eat it? I lay out the plates. Mac and Cheese, Ravioli, Scrambled eggs on toast, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and a cream cake. All of his favourite foods, surely he'll give in and eat something. I hear a knock at the door at look through the peephole to see an uncomfortable looking Ross. I let him in and we sit down at the table waiting for Chandler to arrive home.

Chandler's POV:

As I'm walking towards the apartment, I have a feeling of nausea, now she knows she is going to harass the life out of me to eat. Suddenly, this painfully, delightful smell fills my nostrils. Oh no food. A lot of food. I push open the door to the apartment and see Ross and Monica beside a table full to the brim of food. Not just any food. My favourite foods.. Mac and cheese..Oh god this is painful.

Monica's POV:

As soon as I see Chandler come through the door I want to cry. As I watch him scan the plates of food I see the agony on his face. He so desperately wants to eat, but for some reason he can't allow himself. " Hi Monica" he gabbled before trying to lurch to our bedroom, but Ross was to quick, he grabbed Chandler's bony arm and pulled him to the table. Chandler is trying to resist, but he is just to weak to fight Ross. When Chandler is sat down I watch him slouch further and further down in the chair, like he is trying to hide from the food. I walk over to him " look chan, all your favourite foods, what do you fancy?". He answers me almost like a robot " nothing, none of it. No!". He attempts to get back up but Ross just pushes him back down again. I see the tears stream down Chandler's face as he tries to look away from the food. " just have a bite sweetie of anything" I say. " No mon, no, I'm not hungry". I look over to Ross who is also crying. " dude, how can you not be hungry? You are. You are allowed to be hungry". " No I'm not, this is too hard, too hard. Please stop". I run over and hug him, both of us crying. Ross turns away trying to hide his tears. That's how it stays for around ten minutes, all of us crying. Chandler crying because of the relentless monster consuming his thoughts, whilst me and Ross are crying because of how ill Chandler is. Suddenly, Chandler jumps up " I've got to get out of here", " why" I yell, " because you want to eat". The door slams and he's gone. I go over to Ross and we have a hug, we have just witnessed true pain.

Ross's POV:

I can't believe I'm crying but I have honestly never felt so upset in my life. Watching my best friend in such a state over food is just... Awful. His body is so frail, when I grabbed his arm it was almost repulsive. This is just a nightmare. I get out my cell and call Phoebe, she's at the coffee house, " pheebs just hang around as Chandler is likely to arrive, he didn't eat a thing. If he does, you try and talk to him." She yells " sure Ross" and hangs up. Maybe she will be able to talk some sense into him.


	10. Chapter 10 - Anorexia's Logic

Chapter 10- An insight

Phoebe's POV:

So I've got to talk to Chandler. Hmm. Me and Chandler never really talk but for the first time in my life I'm really worried about him. I mean chanting, extra massage clients or candles will not ease the tension I am feeling. Oh here he comes. Man he looks depressed. " Hey Chandler!" I chirp as he walks in." Hey". God he seems miserable. " Do you want a coffee?" He nods " Black". I decide to take a firm approach , "Why because it has no sugar?" I look at him and he just looks ashamedly at the floor. I carry on, " And I take it that you don't want a scone". He nods again, looking rather shocked by my attitude. I have to be tough, being mean to him might give him a wake up call. We sit sipping our coffee in silence, until Chandler breaks the silence. " Could this be anymore awkward? Come on pheebs talk to me, about your day or something. " Look Chandler, maybe you should be the one talking, as clearly there is something wrong with you. Just talk". He slumps down in the chair. " Phoebe, I have nothing to say, I mean I'm just on a diet that's all". " Don't you think it's past a diet now? I mean you are looking ill". He laughs, " How did you figure that out? I'm fat if you haven't noticed". He pinches the little skin around his belly. " Chandler, your not fat and even if you were, what would it matter?". " Phoebe it does matter okay, will you just leave it?" He looks out the window, a clear attempt to avoid eye contact with me, but I'm not going to give up that easily. " Why? Do you think that if you were fat we would stop being friends with you? Monica would break up with you?". He shuffles over towards me. " Pheebs, I want to improve myself and that's it, I don't know why everyone is being so dramatic. Plenty of people diet". " Yeah but they eat Chandler, that is the difference, they have healthy foods. They don't stop eating." He looks away again." Pheebs, it's easier this way. My weight loss will be much quicker and eventually I won't feel hungry". Oh my god he has completely lost his common sense. " Aah so you admit you are hungry. You want food don't you? You really want it, don't you? Hunger is natural Chandler". I continue to push him, " So how long have you been hungry for? How long since your last meal?". He remains silent. " Come on Chandler! Just tell me". " Alright, alright. I've been dieting for just over a month. There happy?". He moves to get up, " Chandler sit your ass back down because I'm not finished with you! You can't run away from this. You're worrying all of us and it's not fair!"

He stands up but suddenly bends double and sits back down, grabbing his stomach. " Chandler what's wrong? What's hurting?". He gasps, " Just...just a pain. I'll be okay". Jeez the colour has just drained from his already fairly pale face. " Chandler, that's a hunger pain. I won't ask again, how long? Answer or I'll beat the answer out of you". He murmurs " Five days." " Wait, your telling me you haven't eaten anything for five days? Are you insane?" He slowly gets to his feet and staggers out of the coffee house. Holy crap, he's gonna die if he carries on.

Chandler's POV:

Shit my belly hurts bad. Real bad. Oh Jesus the agony. I sit down in the alleyway, hopefully the pain will ease. Why did I tell Phoebe of all people? Great. Though I suppose the pains are a sign I'm doing well. Maybe I am losing some weight. I think I'm gonna sit here for a while, at least everyone is out of my way. Shit I feel drowsy. I think I might shut my eyes.

Phoebes POV:

I don't know where he will have gone, he'll be hiding now trying to avoid us. I've got to tell Monica what he said. He's in a really bad way. I dash through the streets to Monica's apartment block. We need to think of a plan, or we are going to lose our best friend. He's gone nearly 120 hours without food. I don't even know how he is moving, never mind going to work everyday.

Monica's POV:

I'm sat in the apartment with Ross thinking about Chandler when suddenly Phoebe bursts through the door. " Mon, it's been five days, five days" she gasps trying to get her breath back. "Five days what?" I ask, I mean she is making no sense. " Since Chandler last ate", she whines. Oh my god. " Five whole days!" Ross shrieks. " He's going to collapse, where is he now?". " He ran off, he was in pain". " What do you mean?" I ask. " He had a really bad hunger pain when he stood up, he sat back down but when I tried to talk to him he staggered out of the coffee house." Ross runs to the coat rack, " We've got to find him now. Did you see where he went?". Phoebe is crying now " No I didn't, I'm sorry". I grab hold of Phoebe's hand and lead her out of the door. We must find Chandler before it gets dark.

We all dash out of the apartment block, Ross begins directing us, " Mon you check down by the shops with Phoebe and I'll go around the back of the coffee house". We all dart off, oh god I hope he's okay, well as okay as he can be.

Ross's POV:

I run into the coffee house and ask Gunther if Chandler had been back in the coffee house since before with Phoebe. He shakes his head, so I run back out into the street. I head down the alleyway at the side of the coffee house and spot a figure in a heap on the ground. Oh god it's Chandler. I dive down beside him and try to wake him. I shake him, slap him, but nothing. He's unconscious. I call for an ambulance and then ring Monica and Phoebe. " guys come quick I've found him but he's unconscious, I've called for an ambulance. I'm at the coffee house. Quick".

Monica's POV:

Me and Phoebe are outside Pottery Barn looking when my cell goes. " Who is it?" Phoebe asks me with urgency. " It's Ross, He's found Chandler... Oh my god he's unconscious... Okay we are coming". I grab Phoebe, " We've got to get to the coffee house, now!" I dash off as fast as I can with Phoebe trailing behind me. The coffee house isn't far from Pottery Barn but now, it seems miles away...


	11. Chapter 11 - Hospitalisation

Authors Note: I am trying to approach these next few chapters carefully, with realism. I have done research and I am trying to get across how serious this disease is, by using appropriate terminology. Any questions about what I have written or any facts I have got wrong; please feel free to review!

Monica's POV:

I arrive at the Coffee house with Phoebe just to see Chandler being put on a stretcher. I run over and explain to the paramedic that I am his partner. " Miss, he's unresponsive at the minute because his vitals are low. His blood pressure is dangerously low along with his breathing and heart rate." I am in shock, I mean I knew he was ill just by looking at him, but to have a paramedic tell me has just made this nightmare all the more real. " You can ride in the ambulance with him miss". I walk up the ramp into the back of the ambulance and sit beside my boyfriend, who seems to be hooked up to millions of wires. I call to Phoebe, " Ring Joey and Rachel and let them know what has happened. I'll see you at the hospital". The back of the ambulance shuts. I look at Chandler and burst into tears. He looks so frail and small on the stretcher. Why did this have to happen to him? I love him so much, he is my everything, why can't he see how special he really is?

10 minutes later:

The ambulance has finally arrived at the hospital. I jump out whilst they get Chandler into the hospital. They transfer him into a hospital bed and wheel him through the corridor. I hear one of the paramedics yell " 29 year old male with severe dehydration. He needs Intravenous Rehydration immediately". " What's that?" I ask him, but I get no answer, and Chandler is wheeled away from me. A nurse grabs hold of me and tells me to "Go into the waiting room, a Doctor will be with you shortly". I walk into the waiting room and sit down in one of the dingy blue chairs. All I can do is wring my hands and wait. I hope to god Chandler will be okay, I don't know what I would do without him.

Rachel's POV:

Trying to teach Joey how to sail is just useless. All he cares about is looking good for the so called ' Hot chica's' on the other boats. Man I want to kill him. I'm just about to yell at him when I get a call from Phoebe on my cell. I answer and begin talking to her "Hey Pheebs what's..." When she interrupts me and begins rambling. " Chandler's in hospital... Five days.. Collapse.. Hurry!" She's crying and gasping for air. " Oh god, calm down we're coming". I grab Joey " Right we've got to get back to shore quick, Chandler's collapsed as is in hospital". He begins wailing " No, no, not Chandler, what we gonna do Rach? What we gonna do". I run over to the main sail, " We're going to go to the hospital, that's what we are going to do." Oh god I hope he don't die. I hope to god he doesn't die.

Monica's POV:

I'm sat crying in the waiting room. Everyone is staring at me but I just don't care, my Chan could die; Why didn't I notice this? Why is he doing this to himself? Ross and Phoebe come running through the door, " What's going on? Where is he?" Ross gasps. " They wheeled him away, and Doctor is going to come and speak to me soon. Phoebe what are you doing?" She's waving her arms about and chanting something, it doesn't even sound like words". She's crying, " I'm trying to undo a curse I put on him a few months ago, when he insulted my clothes. Oh god this is my fault". I grab hold of her and sit her down. " Phoebe, oh Phoebe this isn't your fault. Curses don't give people eating disorders. If it is anyone's fault it's mine for not realising sooner." Ross now grabs hold of me " This is nobody's fault, not yours, not phoebe's curses and not Chandler's, it's the diseases fault. We are going to get through this. Chandler is going to get through..."Ross breaks down tears falling down his face, and so we sit; all three of us crying our eyes out waiting for the doctor's verdict.


	12. Chapter 12 - Doctor's Verdict

Authors notes: Thank you for the lovely reviews Guest and Bing- a-Ling27, and thank you to all those who have viewed this story, I'm very grateful!

Monica's POV:

The Doctor approaches us with a solemn face, and I feel this sinking feeling in my stomach. " Miss Geller?", " Yes" I reply, I feel like throwing up." Would you like to come with me, so I can talk to you about Chandler?". I nod, get up and follow him into a little dark room further down the corridor. " Take a seat, Miss Geller". I sat down and asked him " Could Chandler die?". " Miss Geller let me explain. Chandler is suffering from dehydration caused by the onset of Anorexia Nervosa. We are using intravenous rehydration to treat this dehydration". "What is that? Exactly?". " It is where we inject a salt and sugar solution, so fluids, into the body to make the body hydrated again". Oh my god, so they are having to help him get the nutrients he needs. " How long will this take, Doctor?"." Well it varies depending on the patients type of dehydration. In Chandler's case it is severe, so maybe a couple of weeks to a month, depending on his progress." Two weeks without my Chandler? That's going to be awful. " Doctor what about when he is hydrated again, how are we going to make sure he gets better?". The doctor leans towards me. " Well, when he can be taken off the intravenous, we are going to treat him as an outpatient for Anorexia. We will get him a therapist, give you a list of meals he needs to eat over the next few months and after that we will check his progress. Outpatient is the best treatment to begin with, as it means he can stay at home with you." Oh thank god, I would hate to be without Chandler for any longer than necessary, however I do have to consider the possibility of Chandler not eating again when he gets out. " Doctor, what if outpatient treatment doesn't work, what then?". " Well in that scenario, worst case scenario, Chandler will end up being treated as an inpatient, so he may have to stay at an eating disorder clinic until he gets well". Oh god, I've got to make sure he eats, I couldn't be without Chandler for months. He is my life, I would be desperately lonely without him. " When will he come round?" I ask, I mean I miss him already, I want to hear one of his sarcastic jokes, despite how irritating they can be! The Doctor looks out of the window, " Well that depends on how he responds to the rehydration, It could be between a day or a week, it's subjective to each patient." A week! That's so long for me to go without even hearing his voice. The Doctor leads me out of the room, " I will take you to the ward Chandler is on, one of your friends can accompany you as we only allow two visitors per bed. I run over to the guys, " One of you can come with me to see Chandler". " You go Ross, I'll wait here", Phoebe says. I give her hand a quick squeeze and then walk towards the doctor with Ross.

" This is the ward, Miss Geller, your husband is at the end of the first row of patients." I look at the name of the ward, oh jeez it's the psychiatric ward, my boyfriend is on the mentally ill ward, what the hell went wrong? " Mon, are you coming?". I nod and follow Ross into the ward and make my way over to Chandler's bed.

There's a bag over his head which is connected to a tube. The tube then goes down into his arm. The tube is injected into one of his veins. Jesus, he looks so pale and ill. But then again he is still beautiful, because he is my Chan. I take a seat beside his bed and make a vow to myself to stay at his side for as long as I can, every day until he can come home . I grab hold of the hand on his other arm. I love you Chandler now, tomorrow and forever.


	13. Chapter 13 - Empty

Rachel's POV:

Me and Joey bolt through the hospital door, where we see Phoebe sat slumped in the waiting room. " Pheebs, any news". She looks at me, sadness clear on her face. " I don't know Monica and Ross have gone to see him. Only two people can visit him at a time". I take a seat next to her and beckon Joey over. " Rach I want to see him" Joey wails, it's like looking after a child sometimes with him. " Joey, when Ross gets back you can. Got now we just have to wait, Ross will comeback and tell us any news". He reluctantly sits down, god I have never seen Joey look so unhappy.

10 minutes later:

We are all sat huddling in silence when Ross walks over to us. " Well?" I ask. " He's on this intravenous, which is an injection by the way Joey. They are pumping fluids into him because he was so dehydrated." " Has he come round yet?" Phoebe murmurs. " No and it could take from a day up to a week before he wakes up." Oh god. That's going to be weird, I mean one of us guys not being around, we are always together despite work. Ross breaks my train of thoughts ." Monica is going to be here until visiting time ends, so maybe you guys could go back and make something for her to eat and that? I will stay with her, I mean she's erratic when stressed.". " Yeah sure" I reply. Joey, Phoebe and I all get up and walk out of the hospital.

Three hours later:

Oh God it's so weirdly silent. Joey is sat in the comfy chair staring at the floor which is all he has done since we got back, and Phoebe is sat on the couch staring at the ceiling. I think she is chanting in her head as her face is drawn and focussed. I've cooked Monica's favourite, a Lasagna but I've burnt it. Well I'm not a chef am I? I'm just heading to sit down by Phoebe when the door goes. Ross walks in miserably with Monica trailing behind him. "Any news?" I ask but they both shake their heads. They both sit down at the table, where Joey, Phoebe and I join them.

Monica's POV:

I'm just so depressed. The silence in here is deafening and all I want is Chandler. Why did this have to happen to us? To Chandler. I look at Joey, " Do you want anything from the fridge Joe?". He looks at me sheepishly " Are you sure?". " Yeah help yourself". He gets up and takes some cold pizza from the fridge. " I hate this, why is Chandler doing this to us?". I could kill him, " Oh yeah Joe, I'm sure it was his choice to hate himself so bad I'm sure he loves to starve just to upset us". Joey slumps back down in the chair, " Sorry mon". Rachel pipes up, " mon, I think what Joey was trying to say is how empty it feels now. I mean, we are all tight, so when one of us is not here it feels weird". " I know Rach, I know Joe. I'm just scared, I mean what if he does die? What if he gets out, doesn't eat and dies. What the hell are we going to do. I feel the tears stream down my face, and I feel Ross grab my arm. " He'll get better, we will all help. " It's not just Chandler who is empty mon, we all are. We all need Chandler. Yeah he annoys the crap out of me, but I still love him. We all do", Phoebe says in her usually calm manner. We all grab each other's hands around the table, almost like a prayer that Chandler will get better.


	14. Chapter 14 - Chandler is awake

I want to get across in this Chapter how this disease can completely change your outlook. Chandler in this chapter is thinking the most ridiculous but also deceptive thoughts. Anorexia isn't you, it's a voice/ feeling inside of you, that completely changes the way you think and act.

Rachel's POV:

It has been three long, miserable days. All we have done is mope about, not talking, not having fun because it seems so wrong when Chandler is so ill. Joey has failed two auditions because he can't focus, Phoebe has just been sat in the coffee house by herself, Ross is buried in palaeontology books and Monica has locked herself in the bedroom. It is awful, my only escape is working, but the Ralph Lauren deadlines aren't helping my stress. I want Chandler to wake up. I want him to eat. I just want to go back to the days where Chandler was happy, when we all were. I stand outside mon's bedroom door. "Mon? Do you want anything?". No answer, great. I head towards the kitchen to make a Cobb Salad, when the phone goes. " Hello?" " This is the hospital, Chandler has come round". " Okay, we'll be there". I run into Monica's bedroom. " Mon, get up, Chandler's awake, we need to get to the hospital." She jumps to her feet and smiles, a smile I haven't seen for days. " Really?". " Yes Mon, grab your coat, I'll get hold of the others." I run over to Joey's, " Joey, Ross, Chandler's woken up we've got to get to the hospital. NOW!". " Yes!" they both say simultaneously. I run back out to the hall and try Phoebe's cell , shit voicemail. Trust her. I'll have to leave her a voicemail. " Phoebe when you get this rush to the hospital, Chandler has woken up". I pray to god she picks up her cell. We wait for Monica to lock up and then head out to the Porsche. Thank God he is awake.

Chandler's POV:

Oh God my head hurts so bad. What's this light? Where the hell am I? Last thing I remember is being outside the coffee house and then it all going black. Jeez, what is that pain in my arm? I look down and see a tube in my vein. What the hell is that? I go to rip it out, when one of the nurses grabs my hand. " Mr Bing, you're in hospital, you have had severe dehydration and this tube is hydrating you". Shit. Do you know what this means? I'm gonna get fat, I want to grab my waist to see how much weight I've put on, but this bitch has a tight grip on my arm. Oh no, how could I let this happen. I'm such a weakling, I need to get out of here. I need to lose the weight I've put back on. I bet that idiot Richard hasn't put any weight on, hell no, he's probably lost it. " Chandler!", I see Monica hurtle towards me with the guys. God she is beautiful, what the hell does she see in my? Why do any of the guys bother with me? I'm nothing, and I will never be anything else. " Hey sweetheart". God my voice is hoarse, I hear the doctor shriek " Only two visitors, two... two!". Monica sits down beside me and Phoebe has come over, so I take it she won the second spot. Monica grabs my hand and I hold her tightly, I mean she'll leave me soon so I might as well embrace every moment I have with her. Phoebe looks at me and starts on. " So Bing, have you come to your senses? Scaring me to death is just not on." I can't help but laugh at her, but Monica shakes her head, " You shouldn't be laughing, you are terrifying us all, wait one minute". She gets up and walks towards the doctor, I presume to ask him when I can get out. I look at Phoebe," So Pheebs what have you been up to?"." No Chandler, we are all focussing on you now". " Phoebe, trust me, I need to talk about something else. It might make me feel better". " Okaay". God she is so gullible, she is ranting on about clients or some new type of massage. I don't need harassing about my eating habits now. I need to get out of this hospital now and shed these extra pounds before I get dumped. I'm going to have to hide my diet from the guys better. Monica strolls back over, " You can come home tomorrow Chan, they just want to keep you one more night for observation. I so want you home". She leans in to kiss me, god I must repulse her. I'm so fat, sweaty and ugly. I don't know how she has put up with me for this long. She goes to say something but I quickly cut her off, " So Mon tell me what has been going on, I need something to take my mind off this pain in my arm." " well I've not done much Chandler to be honest, I've just been thinking about you". Thinking about what an irritant I am, I bet. I smile at her and get a good grasp of her hand. " Why? I mean haven't you had work". She looks at me, " Why? Are you crazy? You are my lover Chan. Of course I am going to be thinking about you, and as for work I've been calling in sick". " Thank you", I whisper, I mean I'm grateful for her saying that but I know she is lying to protect my feelings. Why would she worry about my useless fat ass?

About two hours pass by. I have been pretending to listen to Phoebe whittle on about a thumb in her drink, like Monica probably is. But I'm grateful, the longer she talks the less time it gives mon to confront me or question me. " Visiting time is over". I'm so glad that the doctor has said that. Obviously I love seeing the guys and especially Mon, but I need to plan how I'm going to put my diet in place when I go home. I mean the guys are going to be watching me now and that's is going to make my dieting hella hard. " Bye Chandler ", shouts Phoebe who dashes off in that... God awful way she runs. Monica leans down and kisses me, " bye Chan I'll get you tomorrow first thing". I grab hold of her hand, and whisper "bye love". God my voice is weak, what is that because of I wonder? I watch her go out of the ward doors. Right, I'm going to have to put my diet plan into action. I'll have to eat the bare minimum or trick them into thinking I've ate, then I can go and exercise it off. Yes, I'll tell them I'm going work. Shit, the doctor is coming over with some food. " Mr Bing, eat this or we cannot discharge you tomorrow. Crap, I'll have to eat it now. But I suppose when I get home I can exercise it all off. Urggh this looks gross. Salads are full of calories.


	15. Chapter 15 - Coming Home

Note: In this Chapter I'm trying to get across how you can be fooled by how deceiving someone with an eating disorder is, and how people want to believe you are better when you really aren't!

Monica's POV:

I can't wait to have Chandler back home today, I've missed him ever so much. I mean I'm scared in case he doesn't eat but I can't help looking forward to having him here. Well the apartment is nice and clean, and I've bought him some porn to cheer him up. I hope to god he will have seen some sense and will just go back to normal. I can't bear to see him ill, I mean the night I saw him in the bathroom I was traumatised. I just want the old Chandler back, I hope this faze is over. Right, there's my keys. I lock up the apartment and head out to the Porsche. Time to get my Chandler.

Chandler's POV:

Where's the doctor? I need my clothes, jeez Monica's going to be here in a minute and I don't want to be in the middle of changing. " Chandler, here are your clothes". He tosses the clothes at me and pulls the curtains shut around my cubicle. I rip off the dressing gown. Oh my god. I really do hate myself. I've put on so much weight. Why do these people get a kick out of making me fat? I thought being fat was bad for your health, so why are these doctors insisting on me becoming fat? I really am a piece of shit. I yank on my trousers and sling on my brown sweater. It's tighter, I swear it's tighter. I just want to rip off my skin, bit by bit. Why can't I be like other men? Why can't I be normal? Jesus, Joey and Ross can eat what they want and not get fat ,but I get fat even thinking about food. I'm so pissed, not at them but at myself. I know I can be better, thinner, but all of these people push food down me. I mean last night I was forced to eat a salad. A salad with dressing. The calories that I was forced to put down my throat is disgusting. I am disgusting. I pull back the curtains and flop down on the bed. Monica is going to collect me and feed me up until I explode, as much as I adore her I am not having that . I'm going to have to take action. I am going to have to get rid of the food she feeds me. Here she comes, time to act.

Monica's POV:

I see Chandler slumped on his bed staring into space. Suddenly he spots me and raises a smile. I run over to him and passionately kiss him, but his kissing to be hones lacks any luster. It's a very weak kiss. I head towards the doctor who is standing at the next bed." I'm here to take Chandler home doctor". He turns around, " Give me a few minutes Miss Geller, let me just deal with this patient". I head back towards Chandler's bed, god I want the doctor to hurry up. I know it's selfish but I'm just so eager to have Chandler home. Chandler grabs hold of me " I love you so much mon". His hand begins to caress my body. " Not here Chandler" I giggle. Maybe he is better, he seems more like Chandler, I mean being inappropriate in a public place is Chandler's speciality. Around five minutes later the doctor appears. " Can I have a word Miss Geller?". I walk over to him and he beckons me further away from Chandler. " As you know Miss Geller, we believe your husband has the disease anorexia nervosa. We want to give him a chance by treating him as an outpatient but if he worsens, he will be sent to a renowned eating disorder clinic in Wisconsin". " Wisconsin? But doctor that is so far away". " That is exactly why we want to give him a chance as an outpatient Miss Geller. I have here a meal plan that Chandler needs to stick by for the next six months. I have also found him a therapist from the Orange County, that Chandler needs to meet with every week". Wow, I mean this is so much to take in. This doctor is telling me what to cook, who Chandler needs to see and where he will end up going. This is a lot of information but if it makes Chandler better I will just have to deal with it. Though I'm sure he is better now. The doctor soon breaks my chain of thought,"Do you understand everything I have said Miss Geller". " Yes.. Yes doctor". " Then Chandler is discharged". The doctor then walks over to Chandler. " You are lucky Chandler, you're organs could have failed on you. Make sure you do as your told and eat.". I nod along with the doctor, and then help Chandler up off the bed. " Thank you doctor and goodbye", I shout as we walk down the ward and out on to the corridor.

Chandler's POV:

I'm so glad to be away from that doctor. He really pisses me off, talking to me like a little fat child. Just because he is a skinny bastard. Monica's rambling on about what happened to a little old lady in Ross's flats. Thank god, when she is talking it gives me time to think. So plan B of my diet plan is that I am going to eat the minimum amount of food I can get way with and then exercise that off. I hate exercise but I can't be fat. I just can't. But what if I do end up getting fat from the little I do eat? I've got to get rid of the food I'm going to be forced to eat by Monica. Hang on, I suppose I could throw it back up after I've ate it. Could I be anymore gross? But it's a sacrifice that I must make in order to be thin. Monica suddenly yells, " Chandler? Chandler! What do you think". Shit, what is she on about? Quick. " I'm not sure honey, it's a tricky situation isn't it?". Please be a good answer. Oh dear god please be a good answer. She smiles at me and cuddles into me, " Exactly Chandler, you are so on the same wavelength as me!" Phew, I got that right. Wow. Something I have got right for once! Finally we are at the apartment. Monica unlocks the door and beckons me towards the tv. Oh my god, the angel has bought me porn. How the hell did I ever get her? I don't deserve her, I really don't. " Chandler you sit down, relax and I'll get the food ready for dinner. Your meal plan is going to be a bit messed up for today. We'll just have a big dinner with the guys in a couple of hours, alright ?". I nod but oh jeez did she just say a ' big dinner'? Shit. I put the porn tape in and switch on the tv. Right, it's okay. I'll just eat a little dinner and get rid of it. No problem.

Monica's POV: ( 2 hours later)

Dinners nearly ready. I've cooked Spaghetti Bolognese, which is actually a dish on Chandler's meal plan anyway. He seems to be okay, I mean he is sat down watching tv and hasn't tried to run away or get out of having dinner, not yet anyway. Suddenly my door bursts open and all the guys rush in and over to hug Chandler. He is laughing and hugging them, he even starts to joke " Could I be any more loved?". Wow, he seems better already. Rachel comes over to me, " He seems happier mon". I give her a hug, " Yeah Rach he does". I grab the saucepan with the Spag Bol in and place it on the table, I then grab the cutlery and bowls. " Come on everyone, time for dinner".

Chandler's POV:

"Come on everyone, time for dinner".

Holy crap. I've been dreading this moment ever since I started watching the tape. I haven't even been able to concentrate on porn. Porn for god's sake, what man should not be able to concentrate on porn because all he can think is that he's such a fat ass? I walk as calmly as I can towards the table but I can feel my legs shaking. I take my seat at the table and watch Monica dollop large amounts of food into the bowls. Oh god, oh god, so much food. " Here you go Chandler". She hands me a full bowl. A full bowl of food. I wait until everyone has their bowls of food and then I take the smallest spoonful of food I can manage and put it in my mouth. I feel ten eyes all fixated on me. I chew and look at everyone in the hope they look away. They all begin on their own food, thank god. I don't need everyone looking at me like a fat piece of shit. Jeez I know that myself. Oh god the taste... Oh god it tastes so good. No Chandler, No! You are fat, you are disgusting, you are going to get dumped if you don't lose weight. Right, I need to try and chew my food 45 times, as I read on thinspiration that helps you to eat a lot less, but to others you look like you are eating more. I look up, everyone is happily munching; but I can tell they are looking at me discreetly. I take another spoonful and eat it, I see Monica smile at me, and I grin back. God I've had two little spoonfuls and she's happy! Yes!

Five minutes later everyone has finished, so I hand my bowl back to Monica. She frowns at me, my god she is even sexy when she frowns. " You haven't eaten a lot Chan". She's right. Five spoonfuls to be correct. I see all the other guys turn to look at me. " Mon, I've had enough for today, I'm very tired. I will try to eat a bit more tomorrow. Hey, my punishment can be that I take the trash out for you, okay?". She hugs me, " Alright Chan, she tips the leftover food into the trash bag and hands it to me". " Back in a min guys", I shout as I head out of the door. God their gullible. I hurtle down the corridor and throw the trash bag down the chute as quick as I can. I then dive down the stairs to the communal bathroom on the floor below. Don't even ask why it's there. I dash into a cubicle and lock the door.

I get two of my fingers and shove them down my throat.


	16. Chapter 16 - Night before therapy

Sorry it has been a long time, but a-levels, what can you do? I am back at this because it feel so good to write about this, weirdly enough. In this chapter Monica is very naive, and that is intentional on my behalf. I want to get across how this disease is underestimated, people just think all you have to do is eat and you get better, but psychologically that is not the case.

Chandler's POV:

I can't actually believe what I just did. My throat burns and I can't stop shaking. I can't get up and my knees are weak. I haul myself up,god I feel like crap. But at least that calorific food is out of my system. Shit I've been gone too long, they'll be suspecting. I hurl out of the door and dash up the stairs. Oh crap, my breath. I'll have to run to the toilet and brush my teeth, I'll tell them I desperately need the bathroom or something. I open the door, " Chandler, were have you been?". " Where do you think mon? Trash chute, shit I need the bathroom". She and the others laugh whilst I dash into the bathroom. Phew that was a close call. I turn the taps on loud and brush my teeth. They'll just assume I'm washing my hands. Even though I feel like shit, I kind of feel proud. I mean, Monica is going to be happy. I'm going to be 'eating' but I'll still stay thin. It's brilliant. I'll use the gym at work and everything will be fine. I am going to be thin and I am going to be perfect. Finally.

Monica's POV:

I can't believe how much Chandler has eaten! I'm absolutely thrilled, I can't believe how quickly he has recovered. I could not be more happy right now! I run over to the guys, " He ate, he ate!" Rachel gives me a big hug. "He's going to be alright mon, I told you". Chandler comes dashing out the bathroom and throws himself down on the sofa beside Joey. " Shall we watch a film?". " Yeah" I reply, and I quickly rummage around for a disk. I can't believe Chandler is being sociable as well! It's fantastic! This is just how I imagined it when he came home!

2 hrs later

Ahh the credits finally. Probably the most boring thing I have watched, but if Chandler wants a film, Chandler gets a film, that's just the way it is. I look over and he's sat there, in his own little world. He is so incredibly beautiful, his eyes, his face, him. I love him so much, and I am just so grateful that he is better now. I feel my cell vibrating in my pocket. ' just give me a minute guys'. I dash out into the corridor, I know it's the doctor calling about Chandler's therapist and I just don't want to spoil the mood at the minute. " Hello?" I meekly say, I mean, I hate doctors. " Hello, is this Miss Geller?". Uh I hate being called Miss Geller like I'm some stupid school teacher. " Yes it is". "Hello, I'm Doctor Thomas, just to let you know Chandler has a therapy session tomorrow at the walk in centre, at nine o clock". Wow, they don't mess about, at least it's near the coffee house we can wait for him there. " Yes, of course thank you". I turn my cell off and head back in, now the challenge is to get Chandler to see a therapist.


	17. Chapter 17 - Therapy

Monica's POV:

After a night of incessant yelling, Chandler has given in and agreed to see the therapist. I think he agreed just to shut me up, but agreeing is agreeing at the end of the day. I know in my heart that he won't need it for long. He's in the bathroom getting dressed, I think he doesn't want me to see his bones sticking out again.

Chandler's POV:

I'm getting ready in the bathroom so Monica doesn't see how much weight I put on in the hospital. They have caused my weight to balloon. I can't believe that I'm being forced to see a shitty therapist. I mean, you see one of them if you are actually ill, I'm not. All I'm trying to do is lose weight, since when did that become a criminal offence? I'm going to look such a fatty in front of the therapist, they'll ask why I've bothered to come because fat people do not need therapy. Fat people need a treadmill. Less food. Fingers shoved down their throat.

1 hour later

Well I'm walking in to therapy, I thought I would be able to get of it, but Monica accompanied me all the way here. " Chandler Bing?", holy shit. There stands a man, a thin man waving at me. Are they kidding? Is this some kind of joke? We know how fat he is so let's send him to the thinnest specialist there is? "Yes" I reply. Jeez my voice has gone hoarse all of a sudden. He smiles and beckons me inside his room, like I'm some kid waiting for an injection at the hospital. He gestures towards a chair, so I gingerly sit down. I mean, I don't want him to hear the chair creak under my weight. " So Chandler, this is an informal session. You disclose what you want to disclose, and I listen and give advice. So tell me about your eating." This is so awkward. I don't want to talk to a random stranger about my eating habits.

"There's nothing to tell really. I just eat like a normal person. Surely you can tell?".

" Well Chandler, we both know that is not the truth. Anyway what do you mean by ' surely you can tell'?"

Is this guy dense or what? " Come on, you can clearly see I eat too much. Just look at me. Look at me god dammit! I'm too fat for my height, my belly hangs over my jeans and I feel god damn awkward telling you this. Jeez, I don't even know you."

" Chandler, I appreciate that what you are going through is difficult, and I know you must despise me for prying into your private life but..."

" What do you mean by that? You have no idea what I'm going through. Do you have any idea what it's like, living on eggshells all the freaking time? Scared to look in shop windows, scared to look in a mirror, scared to look at your reflection in a clean saucepan? Do you know what's it's like to live around perfect people with perfect appearances and you just feel like a piece of shit all the time? Do you have any clue what it's like to eat one small thing and picture yourself? Your fat face chomping and everyone else being able to see, watching how disgusting you are? You have no idea, none at all. So don't even pretend you do". I get up to leave but he beckons me to sit back down.

" No Chandler, there's no need to go. I won't push you. But, for my own interest, why do you care about what you look like so much? Any reason?".

" You wouldn't understand. Nobody does. I feel so god damn alone".

" Try me. I might understand".

" I'm surrounded by perfect people all day, everyday. That's why".

" What do you mean by perfect people, Chandler?".

" Thin people of course. People who can eat whatever they want. People who are happy".

" So you are not one of these perfect people then?".

Jeez, I'm sure this guy is stupid. " Of course not. I'm not thin. I can't eat whatever I want, and I'm definitely not happy."

" What do you weigh?".

" Woah, I thought you weren't going to push me. I'm done with tie session, let's say I'm cured".

" Okay, sorry, I won't push anymore. So how have you been trying to become one of these perfect people? If you don't mind my asking".

Of course I mind his bloody asking. Interfering dick. " Look I have been trying to lose weight. Thousands of millions do it around the world, but it's suddenly an issue because it's me? You're the therapist, tell me why that is?"

He looks down at his notes. " You want to know why? The way you are going about losing weight is the problem. Starving your body is a problem, Chandler."

" I'm not starving my body, I've been cutting down. That is all there is to it."

" Chandler, our time for this session is nearly up. But I want to ask you one question. Why did you start to try and lose weight in the first place?".

" Jeez man, I can't remember why. Look I've got to go. Bye". I dash through the door into the corridor."

" See you this time next week Chandler."

" Yeah sure". Bullshit. I'm not going back there, I said way too much. God I need to man up. I mean what kind of man let's all his feelings out. At least I didn't tell him why I wanted to lose weight in the first place. Now that is an embarrassing story.


End file.
